Another rambly post… I just felt like blogging. Really in the future I’m going to blog about some of the topics I’ve been holding in my mind. But for now, I’m just gonna be in the moment.
What a wonderful thing it is to not care too much about this world. Some people would call it irresponsible, I call it choosing what’s really important. For me “not caring” is when I’m late to class but I don’t stress, because being perpetually late doesn’t define me. It’s forgetting to really put on makeup for four days in a row. It’s going to a show by myself, sitting in the front, and doing quick-draws of the dancers solely by the light on the stage.
<— this is Degas by the way… not me (ha)
So I guess it’s less of “not caring,” and just caring about something else… more.
What does it mean to live in freedom?
But really, just stop, and actually ask yourself that question.
I mean, wow. This is how I see it. It’s walking this earth every day, aware that you are a speck on the earth and the earth is a speck in the galaxy and the galaxy is one of millions of galaxies, and in a hundred years, you’ll be dead and gone, no one who is living will have known you personally. That by itself is really enough to make you stop caring what people think and just being the person that you want to be while on this earth. But then, you can add on that the God who created you and all those galaxies LOVES YOU and is taking care of you? He wants you to know Him on this earth, and once your short time here is over, you get to go be with a beautiful God for eternity? It’s better than we really could hope for, us teeny tiny people. It makes you want to love Him, too.
Today, my great aunt Jenny Bridgewater passed away. She’s my great uncle’s mom, anyways, so maybe she’s a great-great aunt. Either way, she always seemed to be in fine health at family gatherings, so when I heard today that she was gone it really hit hard. One second, someone’s there and asking you about how college is going, encouraging you to keep up the good work, and the next they are just… gone. You didn’t get to tell them that you really appreciated them taking a genuine interest in your life, even though you were two generations below, or that you noticed how they tried to reach out to you. But regardless, you remember that person’s life for something positive. Her son is my great uncle, who started my high school’s show choir and created a strong, classy performing arts program alongside my great aunt Judy. This program along with voice lessons from aunt Judy influenced me more in my growth as a musician than anything else in my life. So Jenny Bridgewater, in a ripple effect, was really a huge contributor to my life, and it’s amazing to see how much your choices matter. From who you marry to whether or not you take interest in the lives of young people at family gatherings, who do you want to be in this world?
At least, that’s the question in my mind tonight. I think the Lord has already been laying that question on my heart these last few weeks, but death always brings eternity closer to the front of your mind.
So I’m excited to keep walking in faith.. caring less about what the world thinks and more about what God thinks. Because sure, I can try and be who I want to be in this world, and I could be a good person who helps a lot of people. But I think it’s more exciting to listen for God’s guidance and be who HE wants me to be. If we’re all just specks on specks in a beautiful, sublime universe, I really care more about pleasing the God who created all of it, rather than my fellow specks. And the really awesome part? He wants to use my life to impact more people and enjoy more blessing than I could conjure or imagine for myself. He wants to use you the same way, too. He has good plans for his children.
Just sitting in awe of that truth tonight.