one breath of the battle

Take a deep breath, fill my lungs.

In my heart the black specks of leaden hurt stir, suspended momentarily.

When I exhale, the specks swirl around, dispersing to every corner

a heart-shaped snow globe.

And in that moment, there is beautiful, warm relief.

*sigh*

But then the heavy specks of lead settle back down, replacing the ache, weighing down into the funneled part of my purple heart.

And the battle wages on.

Purple heart for bruise, and not bravery. And why not bravery? Why, Heart?

 

If only to scream at her, “man up!!”

If only she would pick herself up

off the

freaking

floor

 

If only she would listen. Listen to Reason.

 

My brain, she’s with me.

Leader in this revolt against my heart.

A little more military than is good, at times. Well intended, aggressive in approach. Fiercely protective and seeking reconciliation, reestablished harmony. But

we all know

that in the end

the heart wins

it always does

 

Little fickle crybaby of an organ — to the left! it pulls. to the right! it tugs.

Its strings threaten to control my hands, my feet; a marionette at its mercy.

 

But yet. Heart and mind forget

their quiet counterpart, the secret weapon of each battle

intuitive and humble, the wise young soul

BFF of the heart, she’s the hope in the struggle

 

Soul’s the name, intrinsic motivation is her game.

she seeks God always – perhaps she knows she will be with Him always

 

When mind and heart are staging World War Three, my soul flees

The soul, espionage of war, seeker of healing and peace.

She goes to the presence of YHWH, communing, spirit with Spirit.

I AM, He understands the war of the flesh

He’s lived it Himself, He knows

the inner

turmoil

 

BUT He is the one person who has ever claimed victory.

The greatest war hero

He whispers sweet secrets of His success in her ear

and my soul, my spirit, finds peace, promise of a hope and a future. 

 

The battle of heart and mind persists

But the whole can be stilled

I am (in)stilled with the Rock, the foundation

peace washes over me

as I inhale

specks of hurt

relieved by grace

 

and the battle

wages

on

 

—-

Half-formed expression partially from my journal. Intentionally vague. Me feling artsy. How fun! Enjoy.

Have you ever fought an inner battle? What was that like for you?  

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One thought on “one breath of the battle

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